2018 Resolutions

Yeah yeah, I know, why the hell am I writing a post on New Year's Resolutions at the (almost) start of February? Well, because it's taken me a month to figure out what the hell they are and how I plan on executing them.

They've always been the same; lose weight for the last time, stop biting my nails (blah blah blah), but I never ever made any real plans or attempts to actually initiate them into my day to day life. However, at the end of 2017 I came to a very serious conclusion: I need to change my life, because right now you're not going to make it too far into the future (grim I know but ya'know the saying you can't go any further than the bottom or some rubbish like that) - well I reached my rock bottom.

So I decided that 2017 was the year I was going to leave it all in the past - and that my 2018 actions were going to be my proof. I decided that I was going to build myself back again, and I quickly realised that this was going to involve a hell of a lot of selfish behaviours.

2018: be unapologetically selfish (every damn day) 

I had to start putting myself first, I always thought I did - but I was buying clothes to feel accepted and not for my actual body, I was saying yes to obligations I couldn't cope with, I was agreeing to circumstances I knew weren't making me happy, and I knew that I was shutting up when I needed to be speaking up.

So I kinda woke up one day and decided I was over it.

I am going to buy the clothes I want because they make me feel amazing (and not because they make my body look like it takes up less space), I'm saying to no to shit I want nothing to do with, I'm trying out things I've wanted to but was too scared to just go for, but most of all I'm learning.

I'm learning to evaluate and understand my feelings and behaviours, I'm addressing my problems instead of just trying to cope with how I react to them, I'm teaching myself how to be selfish and happy (like for real happy) and how to put myself before absolutely everything and everyone else.

And you know what? It's been the best fucking decision I've ever made and it feels so damn good.

So if you see me about, know that I'm in a really good place right now - and that I'm working on me; so don't expect anything less than complete honesty. I'm not vowing to lose weight because I truly know that's not where 'happiness' lives - and I am just so over lying to myself.

Over It.